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// 12 things you shouldn’t say (to a woman) if you don’t want it to get serious… //

9. Oktober 2016

Once upon a time a girl (me) met a boy (nameless).
We all know this is how all the good stories start.
Well, this one is not exactly good.
It’s just a regular story, I’d say.
Could have happened anywhere to anybody.
And from what I hear from my (mostly female) friends, it happens way too often. One reason why I am writing this blog-entry, I know you all feel me, sisters (and misters – I don’t want anyone to feel left out)!!!
Anyway. I met this guy and I really liked him. He was super smart, funny and seemed to be „normal“ or at least not like a psychopath, so that was a plus, and we had a really nice first date, went out for a glass of wine (or a couple), smoked too many cigarettes, ‚coz we were both nervous, were the last people in the bar while the waitress cleaned up everything around us and eventually told us we had to leave and it ended with a fantastic kiss and a sweet text message from him asking if we could see each other again. I mean, what more could I have asked for?

The following couple of weeks we literally didn’t stop talking. We talked on what’s app, on the phone, talked the nights through on his balcony or in my kitchen and we really, really had the best conversations, I mean really!! Everything went GREAT. I told my best friend: „Either, he is it, or he is the next big catastrophe.“
Turned out he wasn’t „it“.
After all the talking and all the dates we had, his messages got fewer and his phone calls, too, and he didn’t wanna see me because he „wasn’t feeling well“ and I asked him what the fuck was wrong (excuse my French) – turned out he wasn’t sure if he even wanted to be in a relationship in general and if he was ready for it and that he was second-guessing although there was nothing wrong with me (yeah, right!) and he absolutely loved our conversations and everything else, too, but he noticed things were getting serious (surprise!) and he panicked and just pulled out of it, „before anybody in this constellation gets really hurt“. Well, thank you, that already hurt, you idiot.
As you can tell, this made me really angry, and I can’t help but ask myself (and all of you):
Why do guys always make us fall for them and then just walk off???

Well, maybe they are simply assholes. But I refuse to believe that this is the answer to it. So maybe, just maybe, they just don’t realize they are sending „this will lead into a relationship“-signals out to us. So I wanna help you out, boys, and give you a little guideline of things you shouldn’t say to a woman (that you meet up with regularly and/or have sex with) if you DON’T want to be in a relationship with her. And, to make it easy for you to understand, I will also comment on what we actually hear when you say them!
It would make the world so much better: more honesty, less heartbreaks, right?!
So, thank you in advance (and by the way, this obviously applies to all the female heartbreakers out there, too // equal rights!!) for sticking to these 12 things you shouldn’t say (to a woman) if you don’t want it to get serious:

1. Can we see each other again, soon? („Oh, he wants to get to know me better!“)
2. Let’s not have sex, yet. („So romantic, he wants to get to know me better!“)
3. You should buy a Ukulele, too, so we can form a group. (Even more romantic!)
4. Shall we talk on the phone before I go to bed? („SO sweet, he obviously misses me!“)
5. I make really good scrambled eggs, as soon as I have a pan I’ll make breakfast for you all the time. (Even sweeter: „He is such a gentleman and, also, he thinks we’re gonna wake up next to each other on a regular basis and, also, he can cook!“)
6. Shall I buy the tickets for the movie in advance? We can reserve a love-chair. (I mean, a „love-chair“, hello?!)
7. It’s your turn to pick the next movie. (‚Coz this implies you will continue meeting up, get it?)
8. Do you wanna go to the flee market together on Sunday afternoon? (A Sunday afternoon date, this clearly implies you want more than just her body!)
9. Her name when you talk to your sister on the phone. („OMG. He has told his family about me!!!!!!“)
10. It’s no problem you are bad with technical stuff, I’ll handle it from now on. („From now on“ is also a code for continuity!)
11. Is my outfit OK like this for the conference tomorrow? (Serious relationship talk!)
12. If something goes wrong with our careers, we should go to Brasil together and live there. (Well…. future plans. Even if it’s just a joke. Don’t do it!)

And because we all know that generalization is never good (apologies!), I also wrote a personal letter to the nameless boy: here.
Wow, I feel like I need to thank him now because he inspired me to not only one, but two blog-entries … or maybe not, and we are simply even now.

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  • Reply Berti 9. Oktober 2016 at 18:52

    Du hast ja so recht Leo! Aber lass dir sagen dass Frauen dies genauso gut können. Kinder, Hausbau, Urlaub und gemeinsame Arbeitsort und am Ende ist sie wieder zu ihrem Mann (!) zurück. Hallo? Das hätte ich wissen wollen das kleine Detail. Manchmal sucht man offensichtlich das Abenteuer, Bestätigung, möchte böse sein oder was weis ich.
    Alles Gute für dich. Hab auch ein wenig geschmunzelt. Durfte ich doch, oder?

  • Reply Frank 9. Oktober 2016 at 23:30

    Ach Leo…,
    höre nicht auf Männer kennenzulernen. Es gibt so viele, die auch Dich kennenlernen möchten. Pass dabei nur gut auf Dich auf. Irgendwann triffst Du denjenigen, der nicht nur Unterhaltung, Spaß und Sex will, sondern auch Verantwortung übernimmt, wenn es drauf ankommt.
    Liebevoll beieinander bleiben und das Interesse aneinander wachhalten, das ist das Kunststück.
    Es bewahrheitet sich immer wieder: Man will immer das, was man nicht hat. Denn wenn man etwas hat, wird es irgendwann zur Normalität und man sieht es dann nicht mehr.
    Du bist noch jung und Du findest Dein Glück, da bin ich sicher.
    Ich drück Dich ganz lieb.

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