2012 I left my girl group „Queensberry“.
I had spent 4 years on stage with those girls and I can tell you it was a hell of a ride. 4 different continents, 10 different countries, 9 different haircuts and 10 kilos that I regularly lost and put on again, 3 albums and 4 movie soundtracks, 2 failed relationships, not enough sleep, but who needs sleep when you are living your dream?! That’s really how it felt for a while and I will always be grateful for having experienced something so special and exciting and colourful, but something that was at the same time so dangerous and destructive for me and in the end turned into a nightmare… It’s a long story really. And I don’t want to tell too much of it, because „let sleeping dogs lie“, isn’t that what they say?
But I assure you at a certain point all I wanted was to be free. I wanted to be free so badly, I was ready to give up everything for it, and believe me, giving up my dream was the hardest thing I ever had to do. But I did – I gave up everything, I quit, and neither did I have a clue what was coming next or in which direction I should go, how I should make a living, what I should believe in, who I could trust, nor did I know who I was anymore or what I really wanted, other than: just be free!
Shortly after, I got a tattoo on my right arm saying exactly that: „nur frei sein“, so I would never forget why I made this decision and would be remembered every day what it is that kept me going at that phase of my life.
I always wanted to write a song called „frei sein“ (be free), but somehow I couldn’t. Something was blocking me and I always felt like I was lying to myself when I started an attempt to do so. So I just kept on walking around with my tattoo and, as always in life, slowly things got better and everything fell into place, or I made it fall into place, by applying for university and moving to Berlin and getting a couple of jobs and starting to travel and surf and actually trying to live freely, realizing that I had a choice and could do anything with my life, because I wasn’t a girl group singer in a golden cage anymore. I was as free as Dobby (the free elf).
And now, 4 years later, we all know I got naked on TV (no, I really did, it was broadcasted this week) and I explained my reasons to you, and maybe some of you have watched it (I hope you had fun!) and, put aside the whole TV-show, I traveled to Tikehau in French Polynesia for this, literally the other end of the world, and was able to be in amazingly beautiful nature for a couple of weeks, spent most of my time outdoors (and naked), surrounded by little crabs and Manta rays and small reef sharks, and had no phone, no books, no watch, and a lot of time to think. And one day before I flew back to Germany, I finally wrote the song – „frei sein“. I don’t exactly know how it happened, but I sat down with my guitar and watched the sun set and everything was calm, but my mind and I just had to let it out. I wrote the lyrics within 10 minutes and finished the whole song within maybe 40, it was pouring out of my system as if it had been waiting there for the last 4 years. Maybe I was able to write it because I finally realized that being free is not a destination, it’s a journey. It’s a fight you have to put up every day. And I am already on that journey, I have been for years now. I am already a fighter and I will keep fighting, because I am a lioness. I am strong and I already am free and have everything I need within me to continue to live a free life.
And that’s what the song is about. About failure, loneliness, a broken heart, about acceptance, finding light and happiness. I hope you enjoy it! Namaste.